"Under My Skin"

I hate needles.  I have had to get used to blood draws and IVs as I have been having one or the other bi-weekly for the past six months or so.  However, I cannot seem to get over the mental block on shots.  When drawing blood or placing an IV the needle is much bigger...but I cannot handle a shot!  So, when Dr. Stone told me that I couldn't avoid a skin biopsy any longer, I was HIGHLY unamused.

It's one of those things that everyone says isn't a big deal.  It doesn't hurt, it's easy, it's routine, everyone's done it, blah, blah, blah.  But I cannot get over the mental knowledge that something will be injected into me and then a chunk of me will be hole punched out.  Yuck.

I had two dermatological appts in relation to everything going on earlier this summer and at both, PA-Davis insisted on doing a biopsy.  I told him no.  At the second appt he told me that the next time I saw him, I was getting biopsied.  I thought "no problem, I'm just never coming back!"...but then Dr. Stone didn't give me an option.  Crap.  Not only did I have to have a biopsy, but I was WRONG!  I'm never wrong!!  Okay, I'm often wrong, but I still hate being wrong!

So, this morning I Xanaxed up and headed in for my biopsy.  He is convinced that it's Lichen Planus and was skeptical about it being Dermatomyositis.  He said that there was obvious inflammation and that it wasn't normal and was definitely autoimmune related but he hesitated to go along with the Dermatomyositis belief.  I told him that my myositis panel came back positive and my symptoms aligned and as he examined the bumps on my chest that look like acne (ohhh joy), he eventually said that it's a good chance that it could be either.  He said he'd put a rush on the pathology findings so that hopefully I can have results by my appt Friday.

The biopsy itself, of course, wasn't bad.  The shot to numb it was the worst.  I refused to look at the tray with all the tools on it and just kept my eyes closed the entire time.  The bump they wanted to remove was of course in the middle of my chest.  Although, my chest is already covered in scars from these little bumps anyway.  I was told months ago that every time a bump showed up, it would scar.  No matter what.  And, that was definitely correct information.

I'll eventually post a picture of the scaring, it's not pretty and I'm quite self conscious about it...especially since it just looks like acne.  But, speaking of pictures, I am a little bit into gross medical things so I have a few pictures from today to show you!!!

So, I'm freaked out about the biopsy and the idea of it and the needles and everything else involved, but as soon as it was over I was back to loving everything medical!  So, here is a picture of the actual biopsy that they took!

And here is a picture of the two stitches after they sewed me back up!  All of those white spots around it are scars now...my chest is covered in them.  Ugh.